I believe it sometimes feels like it hurts us more than it hurts them.
I know in my deepest of hearts that it is a part of life; having to discipline our children when they do wrong. It benefited me tremendously as a child when I was growing up because it helped my parents and elders teach me right from wrong. So why does it feel so bad sometimes when we have to discipline our children when they do something wrong?
I admit, I am the type of mother who wishes that her children were perfect all of the time so that I would be able to spoil them pretty much all of the time but at the same time I know that is impossible. Someone told me years ago “Never say what your child won’t do; especially when they get out of your presence.” I get what they mean now. Sometimes our children wait until they get away from around us (out of our view) and do things that they know good and well they aren’t suppose to do. I know that it is given to a child to be mischievous. I just wish they could think about the consequences more. I tell my children “If you are tired of being grounded, then don’t do what you did to get grounded.” I mean every word of it. Don’t do wrong and there will be no need but if they go ahead and take chances (for whatever reason) and do things that they know will result in losing their WiFi, phone, tablet, and etc., then I feel I have to go ahead and ground them so that from that point on, they will be more considerate and weigh their options wisely.
It Was Different For Me
I, myself, was a little different growing up. It didn’t take that many times for me to learn from my mistakes as a child/teenager or the other children around me. If I saw another child get in trouble for lying, I said to myself “well, I know now not to lie to her because she will spank me!” and, guess what? I avoided that issue altogether. I didn’t like to bump my head. I wasn’t perfect but I did learn from others. I honestly remember only getting no more than maybe six spankings during my entire childhood. I think my parents started to catch on to that too. Instead, I would focus on how to earn a bigger allowance.
Anyway, I honestly hate having to ground them because they look so pitiful when they get in trouble but I know it is the right thing to do. Of course, talk to them, make sure they understand why it is wrong and why they are being punished for it, and pray they don’t repeat it. I was warned that “You can’t be your child’s friend and parent at the same time.” I asked why not and the person said “because eventually they may get it crossed up; they may not recognize boundaries or when you are serious and take that leave-way for granted.” Here’s the thing: that happened for real and I was like okay. I see. We as parents also learn new things everyday no matter how old we get. When it comes to raising our children, seems you just have to do what you know to be right and try to brace yourself for the unknown and unexpected. Then, when you learn better, you can do better; just like the children should do.
Every parent has a different style of parenting I’m sure but I do believe that if they are not taught to consider consequences of the choices that they make, it could become a bigger problem when they get out in the world on their own.
Please be kind, stay safe, and stay alive.